On Writing Envy and Admiration - and a To-do List!
Sometimes, reading a book brings the strangest questions about ourselves and adds to our life plan.
Last night, I started reading a book from Michel Tremblay. I think I will like this tale-like autobiography. My daughter loves this author and I get it. I already like the person we meet on TV.
You see, my first problem is this:
I have difficulty accomplishing the goals I set for myself. For example, I say to myself I will complete a chapter of my story by this date: I don’t. I will write three times per week in my story. My mind will wrestle with the said plan and will refuse doing it.
These days - I should say since I’m born - I’m learning self-discipline.
I love learning stuff on my own, but this one is a form of “learning something” that is not at all natural in me. Not at all, and this bothers me. So much. Learning this now is crucial for a better retirement and a future career as an artist.
And here is my other problem.
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I need also to create better descriptions in my creative writing.
My texts need more decor, more details from the five senses, so the story feels more vivid to the reader. I totally agree. A reader gets more immersed in the story, you know?
My daily writing at work reflects facts, so if anyone else comes after me, they understand and see it. The not written not done principle makes me write detailed while concise facts. Pragmatic writing, not very emotional: it shows in my creative writing. It’s weird because, considering I’m a nurse, I should have that empathy. Yet, it doesn’t translate into my writing.
Do I protect my ego, or is it simply not in my nature? My writing mind at work is logical, here and now. I know how to help others: heal a wound, listen and reflect thoughts and feelings (I hope!), understand (sometime) the complicated communication of a person living with dementia. I know what actions to take to help. Technical. Am I empathetic enough to put myself in my character’s head and tell a story? Tell THEIR story?
This is what I have been asking myself after reading Dexter’s first volume of the series. Jeff Lindsay told this story so well, I could see why a serial killer admires a murder like it’s a work of art! (Don’t worry: society is safe with me. I promise.)
How can I develop the skill to write from inside the other’s imagination? It’s strange to find my texts so disconnected from my characters. Am I a sociopath or just protecting my myself from one’s heartaches? It is the latter, I’m sure.
I will get good at this with lots of practice, and watching others doing it. I know. But I get frustrated when I reread myself. Most of the times.
I don’t feel jealousy, but envy and admiration towards other writers’ creations. One day, I would like to write like this, but I doubt my ability to reach half of theirs. And then, I tell myself, Okay. It’s good. All this, they developed it as time went by, writing and writing, and practice, and editing, rewriting, again and again.
I often get those same feelings in my other creative passions, and the completion of my long list of things to do. I have to remind myself:
Back to my to-do list
So here is a list of things I want to do every day to tame my willpower.
- write my Morning Pages (a clip on the topic)
- exercise 30 minutes
- write fiction every day
- read fiction every day
- learn something in non-fiction
- practice what I learned — next in line: practice descriptions (I added this one I want to read)
- draw or paint something
And I haven’t told you about the rest of my life’s list of to-do’s! My inner opposing child gives a ton of troubles but, I’ll get there.
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